I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
