my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
