Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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