he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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