Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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