The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
