Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
