he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
