i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
