I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
