guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
