What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
