Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
