Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
