Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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