so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
