Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
