It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
