peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
