You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
