FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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