she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
even my farts smell like vagina
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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