Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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