I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
