i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
