Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
