who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
