Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize