between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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