OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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