There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
