All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
