Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
