new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
