I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
