my mouth tastes like poor choices
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
