I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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