Porn is love you can see.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
