So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
