ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have post one night stand depression
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