He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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