Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Houston, we have a squirter
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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