I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
