I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
