So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize