I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
