Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
