Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
