I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
