Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
