somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
