I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
