I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
