one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
