Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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