I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She said her name was "party"
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
