You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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