I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
