I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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