I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
