I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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