She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize