toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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