i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
