from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
