he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
