Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
