i don't like sucking hair
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
