I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
