you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
