Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
