I looked at my own cervix.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
