so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
