She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
